Tuesday, November 26, 2019

It Finally Happened.

This is me.

In the middle full-on melt down.

It is day 2 of Thanksgiving Break.

It is finally coming out in the only way I know how. The only way I have left. Tears. They started an hour ago. They're still flowing. I can't stop. Months of stress built up come pouring out, as I try desperately to stop before my kids notice or my husband gets done with work. Hoping that no one asks how I'm doing, only to start the flood of tears all over again.

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. Just enough time to slow down and relax.

Not this year.

Some of it is my own doing. The cooking, baking, and decorating. BUT I love cooking, it brings me joy. But this year it is just another thing on a list that I need to rush to finish up in the tiny window I have of "nap time". The decorating has to happen this week if it's going to happen. It has to happen. We have kiddos who are VERY excited to get the house ready. They ask every day. Multiple times.

I just feel like I'm pulled in 20 different directions and I become the "jerk" if I say no to any one of them. And they're all legitimate "fun" activities that I should "want" to be a part of. So many obligations...

But right now it's just another thing on a list that too long, with time dwindling away.

This was bound to happen at some point.

So I write. Because I cannot be alone in this struggle.

And it is worth it. It is just really, really hard right now.

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